#everything fr just crashed all at once tonight and i felt like i should come say smth tonight lol

[mooodyblue]

so sorry for disappearing :( i miss yall lots. i open tumblr every day and think ill finally reply to people and reply to asks but then i just don't do it. i feel bad that i always have to come here and apologize (even though i know i shouldn't have to or feel the need to) and i always feel like im being down 24/7 /:

truthfully i stepped away because my depression has been at it's worst and everything is beginning to feel like a chore and i don't want to bring that energy here at all :(

i miss you guys and i'm going to try and get my shit together soon and reply to everyone. hope everyone is well ❤️

[puckinghell]

The Plus One Pact | William Nylander | Part 4

Summary: Your ex is getting married, and you don’t have a date, which means the unavoidable “why don’t you have a boyfriend” question is about to haunt you for the rest of eternity. But then there’s Will, who could be the answer to all your problems. A simple business pact, no feelings involved: that won’t be hard for you, because you really don’t like him anyways. Except pacts were made to be broken… or something. Right?

Note: This is part 4. Click here for part 1 | part 2 | part 3

--

You don’t know how it happens.

Okay, you kinda do.

One night, you get a text from Will that’s just a screenshot of a very strongly worded email to a certain balloon company, and then three crying-from-laughter emojis.

Still not funny!!! you text back, and you expect not to hear from Will again until the wedding.

You’re wrong. When he texts you again the next day, asking how you work was, you figure it would be rude not to answer, and then when the phone rings late one night, you worry something is wrong, so you answer that, too.

“What was your day like?” Will’s voice is quiet and timid when he asks, and you take it you’re not gonna talk about that awful game they just had, so you talk to him about your day for an hour until his voice is lighter and he’s laughing again.

It starts happening more and more, and before you really realize it, it’s weird when you haven’t heard from Willy in a day.

To be truthful, it turns out Zach was right; as he usually is, which you would rather die than tell him. 

But Will is different when it’s just you two, and your favorite moments with him are when he calls after games and his voice is laced with sleep and you can nearly hear the smile through his voice when he asks you about your day. Everything about him is muted, then, but it feels real, and important, somehow.

You even learn to appreciate how annoyingly chipper he is, because sometimes you really do need someone to just laugh at your bad mood until it goes away.

You also learn that, like you expected on the plane to Calgary, Will keeps his head high but it’s mostly a facade. Comments get to him, especially when they’re about his hockey – “that’s the only thing I was supposed to be good at” he jokes one time, and you wanna hit him over the head with his hockey stick until he understands that that’s not true – and he takes everything personal, although he tries not to show it.

Everything you didn’t like about him, you find out, is something you either got wrong about him or learned to appreciate.

And there’s so much more to like about him, too.

One night, after a really bad day at work, you have a fight with your sister about Noah’s stupid wedding. 

“Why are you so against coming?” your sister says, a little too aggressive. “Surely you aren’t still in love with him? He’s happy with Betty, Y/N.” 

Of course you’re not still in love with Noah, but it hurts that she can’t just accept that you don’t wanna go. That she can’t take your side in this, even if she doesn’t know the full story. She should trust that you’re not being difficult for no reason.

And you can’t help yourself; it’s late and you know Will just got done with his game, and he’s all the way in Carolina but you call him anyway.

He answers almost immediately.

“Y/N?” he asks, and he sounds surprised. It’s to be expected, because he’s almost always the one calling you, but it stings a little, nonetheless.

“Uhm, hi.” You pause. “Is it… okay that I called?”

“Of course. Always.” Will sounds truthful, so you decide to take his word for it.There’s no more extra space in your brain to worry about that, as well. 

“Congrats on the game.”

“Thanks.” You hear Willy’s grin. “I’ve told Zachy we’re both very proud of him for that OT winner.” There’s an indignant huff next to him that sounds a lot like Zach and you figure they’re still on the bus, where Willy usually sits with Kappy or Zach.

It’s quiet, then Willy’s voice, treading very carefully: “Is something wrong? You don’t sound too happy.” There’s some stumbling and you can almost see how Willy must be elbowing Zach away from the phone, because Zach is basically an overprotective dad whenever he hears anyone isn’t doing well.

But Willy… Willy isn’t like that, but he sounds worried anyway, and he sounds gentle like he’s trying to calm you down, and suddenly you’re telling him everything: about the day you’ve had and your job that sucks and that you’re worried about the wedding and why can’t your family just trust you, for once, and what if this all isn’t worth it just to keep your family happy?

When you’re done, Willy’s voice is soothing. The background noise has disappeared. Maybe the bus has stopped.

“It’s worth it,” is what he says. “You know it’s worth it.”

You sigh. It’s annoying still that he’s usually right.

“I just don’t want to deal with it anymore.”

“And tonight you don’t have to.” There’s a sudden noise and then Will cursing. “Fuck, sorry, hold on, I’m trying to open this stupid hotel door…” More crashing and banging, and then Willy’s voice reappears. “Tonight you don’t have to deal with anything, okay? We can FaceTime and watch a movie together.”

And that… That actually sounds really nice, and like it doesn’t require any brain power which is good because you have none of that left anyway.

“Hey, what’s your favorite take out food?”

It’s such a random question, out of the blue, and when you tell him that, the blurry FaceTime screen can’t hide his eye roll.

“It’s just something friends are supposed to know about each other, now tell me.”

“Sushi when I’m feeling fancy,” you say, “or pizza when I need comfort food.”

You can’t even pretend to be that surprised when a massive pizza shows up at your door 30 minutes later.

You hate that it nearly brings tears to your eyes, but after the day you’ve had…

“Thank you, Willy,” you mumble, and there’s something soft to his look when he smiles at you.

“What are friends for?” he asks, and you realize you don’t even mind that he’s declared himself your friend, now.

A few weeks ago, you would’ve disputed it. But now, you find yourself kinda wishing it could be more.

--

What are friends for is apparently your motto now, and it’s all a little strange as you get into the car, your fanciest, most beautiful dress and highest heels on.

“You look great,” Zach says. He’s wearing a suit and his hair is slicked back, the way it always is when he’s really trying.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” you reply, a little grumpily. “I hate team events.”

“I never did understand why.” Zach starts the car and backs out of your driveway. You’ve been told Alannah is going to the venue straight from work, and Willy had an appointment and couldn’t come get you, which is why you’re in the car with Zach, now.

“Because I don’t fit in there.” It’s the honest answer, but it’s obviously not the whole story. The whole story is that those events are filled with beautiful women, and you never feel quite up to par; like you snuck into a place you’re not welcome, not supposed to be welcome, either. But Zach wouldn’t get that. Willy wouldn’t get that either.

And you just couldn’t come up with an excuse fast enough, not when he said: “But Y/N, it’s for charity.”

It would not matter to the charity, of course, if you didn’t come. But Willy had looked so hopeful, and then he’d pulled out the final card: “It’s gonna be way more fun with you there by my side.”

And now you’re wearing a dress appropriate for a charity gala, which means you’ve never felt more uncomfortable in anything in your life, and your feet already hurt from your heels, and this was such a bad idea, God.

“You know,” Zach says, and his tone tells you this conversation is going somewhere you don’t want it to go. “Willy doesn’t like these events either. It means a lot to him that you’re coming for support.”

You nearly roll your eyes. “Willy charmed the socks off every person at my boss’ wedding, Zachy. He really doesn’t need my support for these kinda things.”

Zach’s face stays stoic. “Yeah, but nobody at that wedding knew him.”

“So?” you frown. “That should only be a disadvantage, considering he’s William Nylander.”

Zach laughs, then. “Still haven’t figured it out, then? I’m disappointed in you, Y/N. I thought you were good at reading people.”

“Hey!” you react, offended. You are good at reading people. It’s one of the things you pride yourself on. “If you know it all so well, why don’t you just tell me?”

Zach sighs. “Willy doesn’t like these events anymore because he is William Nylander, as you say it, and that’s not really a popular name in Leafs territory, right now.”

And, oh.

That.

“I did realize he cares a lot more about what people think than I thought he did.” You pause. “More than he should, probably.”

“Definitely.” Zach’s face has that protective big brother vibe about it, again. You used to not understand, why he always looked like that when people were talking shit about Willy.

You get it, now.

“There’s always plenty more people telling him he’s great, than there are people sending him snarky looks,” Zach continues. “But he never really believes any compliments he gets, so that doesn’t help.”

Suddenly, you realize something.

You’ve never really… complimented Willy? Even when you realized he cared more than he let on, you still just assumed he knew how great he was. Sometimes, he kinda fishes for something – “Did you see my goal?” “How about my cooking abilities?” “I know how to pick a good movie, right?” – but you’d always laughed and chirped him for it.

“If your head gets any bigger, it’ll explode.”

And Willy is always complimenting you; he tells you you look great all the time, even when you decidedly dont’t, but he clearly remembered what you told him about Noah because that’s never the only thing he compliments you about.

He tells you how smart you are, “I like how good you are with animals”, how any food you make is the best thing he’s ever eaten, if only everyone was as lovely as you.

You feel guilty, now. If Willy is your friend, you’ve really not been doing such a good job at being his friend, too.

You’re fixing that tonight, you decide right then and there.

“I’ll make him believe it,” you tell Zach, and it comes out sounding vaguely threatening.

Zach laughs. “Thought you didn’t like him?”

“Maybe he’s not as bad as I thought he was,” you admit, and you don’t tell Zach how much you really, really do like Willy, but you think Zach kinda knows anyway. 

Will meets you at the door, where Alannah is also waiting for Zach. He smiles at you, eyes soft.

“You look beautiful, Y/N.” He quickly presses his lips to your temple, which is a new development that you don’t really know how to handle.

But Will is a tactile guy, anyway, so you’re sure you shouldn’t read too much into it.

You see Zach’s raised eyebrow, and suddenly remember – fine, maybe you’d forgotten your objective for a second because Will looks really hot in that suit, but you’re back on track now.

“You look beautiful too, Will.”

Willy’s eyes widen and a flush creeps up on his cheek, but before he can answer you grab his hand and pull him into the building.

It’s a fancy, really expensive hotel, where the gala is being held. It’s filled to the brim with people, a few of which you recognize, most of which you don’t.

“That chandelier must be worth more than our entire house,” Alannah mutters, and you’re glad to see it’s affecting her too, although she’s been to these events many times.

Zach laughs. “With a puppy in the house, aren’t you glad we don’t have any furniture that costs more than our mortgage?”

“Do you want a drink?” Will’s lips are close enough to your ear to hear him over the noise of the crowd and the music in the background, and also close enough to feel his hot breath against your neck. It takes everything in you not to shiver.

Maybe you do need a drink. Or ten.

Willy and Zach go to get the drinks and Alannah leads you to where some of the other WAGs are. Steph is the only one you know and she hugs you as soon as she sees you coming, then introduces you to the rest.

“So, you’re with Will, huh?” she asks, eyebrows waggling.

You were expecting that question, but maybe not so soon into the evening.

“Uhm,” you cough, “not really. Just his plus one for tonight.”

“Sure,” Steph says, and she looks like she doesn’t believe you at all.News always travels fast in the WAGs group, and Alannah is looking a little guilty.

You find you don’t mind so much, that they think that you’re together. Although you really don’t wanna think about why you don’t mind. 

When Willy finds you, Kappy and his girlfriend are with him, and the four of you make your rounds throughout the room, talking to any sponsor that seems interested in a conversation. Mostly you just stand there while Willy talks, his hand on your back as if he’s scared you’re gonna run off.

“I always thought this would be a lot of work,” you mumble in Willy’s ear, when you’re between conversation partners. “But I really only have to stand here and look pretty.”

Willy grins. “Seems like it comes natural to you.”

Right. You kinda forgot about the compliments again.

You shrug, lean a little closer until you’re basically pressed into his side. It feels a little too right, maybe, how quickly Will’s arm wraps around your waist.

“You’re really good at talking to these people.” You’re talking pretty loudly, but you’re pretty sure Will is the only one that can hear you over the noise. “The second you open your mouth, people are so charmed by you. I think you could make anyone love you.”

Willy’s eyes flash to the floor, and they stay fixed there as he mumbles something that sounds a lot like another “uhm”.

His cheeks are flushed red, and you’re saved from having to deal with that as Auston appears, eyes wild and jaw tense.

“I’m being stalked,” he hisses. “This old white dude literally won’t leave me alone even for a second. He’s been following me around for an hour. Help.”

Willy bursts into giggles, which is probably not very helpful, and the betrayal on Auston’s face is enough to make you feel bad for him.

“Come on,” you say, grabbing his arm, “let’s go hide behind the bar.”

--

It’s easier than you thought it would be, to get through the evening. In fact, when Will asks you if you’re ready to go, you hadn’t even noticed it had become so late.

You say goodbye to the few people you know and gratefully accept Willy’s offer to drive you home.

The car ride is silent. It’s not awkward, but the air is heavy with something, and you curse yourself for all those times you wished Willy would just shut up, because now he has and you hate every second of it.

Did your compliments freak him out? Did he regret asking you to come?

“So,” Will finally says, as he stops in front of a traffic light. He’s not looking at you, keeping his gaze firmly on the road ahead of him. “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

“Zach told me you don’t like these events,” you try, carefully. You’ve never had to pull something out of Will, force him to open up; he’s always just kinda done it, from the very moment you met him, shared parts of himself with you that you never had to search for.

For you, who’s never learned how to not keep something hidden, that was maybe the thing that unnerved you about him the most.

“I like doing things for charity,” Will answers, and you can tell he’s picking his words carefully. “But I don’t like people looking at me as if I’m some kinda disappointment who doesn’t belong there.”

“Have they ever said anything?”

“No.” Will smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes and there’s a hint of sadness laced in it. “Not to my face, anyway. But I’m not stupid, you know.”

No, he’s not stupid. For all the conflicting thoughts you’ve had about him, you never thought he was stupid.

And you never thought he was a bad contract, either. It seems imperative, suddenly, that he knows that.

“Willy,” you say softly, and although his eyes are still on the road, you know he’s paying attention. “You can’t seriously believe that you’re anything but an amazing hockey player. You’re worth that contract and you’re worth the effort Dubas put into keeping you here. You’re so smart, and I know people don’t always see it but you work so hard, and Matts was so happy when you got back on his line because he knew you would be magic together.”

Will’s cheeks are red but this time, he’s not mumbling when he says: “I know I haven’t been playing as well as I can.”

“Stop,” you tell him, softly but forcefully. “Stop deflecting, stop dodging. Just take the compliment and believe me when I say you’re great at what you do.”

“That’s very nice of you,” he says, his voice a bit shaky, and that’s a different kind of deflecting but it’s still deflecting, and it’s hurting your heart.

“William Nylander,” you scold, and then you do what you’ve been wanting to do this entire evening and let yourself reach out and put a hand on his knee. “Just accept the compliment.”

Willy carefully reaches down to grab your hand, intertwines your fingers together as he lets both your hands rest on his thigh. He’s holding the steering wheel with one hand, but he’s driving pretty slowly and the roads are deserted, so you’re not too worried.

You’re more worried about the fact that he just doesn’t believe you.

“You’re a great hockey player,” you repeat, stubbornly. “And a great person.”

Finally Willy allows himself to smile, this small, rueful thing that sticks somewhere deep inside your chest, folds up next to your heart like it’s gonna stay there forever.

“Thank you,” he says, and maybe he still doesn’t really believe it but this is as far as you’re gonna get tonight and maybe that’s okay.

You’ve got time.

The car has reached your flat and Will parks it in your driveway. It’s quiet, and he hasn’t let go of your hand, and you kinda don’t want him to.

The night is over, probably.

But there’s still one thing you need to tell him, though. “It doesn’t matter, Will,” you say softly. “What those people think. It doesn’t matter.”

“No,” Willy agrees, and for the first time you can tell he believes it. “But it matters what you think.”

He finally turns to look at you and there’s so many emotions swirling in the deep blue of his eyes, but you can’t really put your finger on any of them. All you know is your heart is beating in your throat, and you really want to kiss him.

But Willy still looks a little sad, and you have a feeling there’s something he’s not saying.

“I told you I think you’re great,“ you tell him, and it’s the truth.

“But you didn’t, before.” Will hesitates. “I told you I’m not stupid. I know when people find me annoying.” He shrugs. “I get it. I know I can be too much.”

And God, there’s so much hurt in that, so much pain and yet understanding, and you can tell he truly believes that, and you would do anything to take that away from him.

Anything.

So.

“I didn’t like you,” you admit, but when Will goes to pull back his hand, you simply hold on tighter. “I was wrong. I didn’t know you, and I was wrong. Now I know you. And I like you.” You inhale, pause. “I like you so much I don’t really know what to do with myself, sometimes.”

It’s quiet. You can nearly see the wheels turning in Willy’s head as he searches your face for something; something to tell him you’re not being truthful, maybe, that it doesn’t mean what he thinks it does.

If that’s what he’s looking for, he won’t find it. 

Then he drops your hand, jumps out of the car and slams the door.

Disappointment and hurt washes over you; you knew you had to try, had to put your heart out there, but it hurts that it’s smashed into pieces like that. Clearly you read it wrong, clearly you still don’t know how to tell what Willy’s feeling.

Except then your door opens, and Willy is holding out his hand.

“Come on,” he says, and his voice sounds… fond? You don’t know exactly what to think about it, but he doesn’t sound angry, or upset.

Against better judgement, you grab his hand and get out of the car.

“I have to tell you something,” Will says. And, there’s no way that he’s doing what you think he’s doing, but his hands are suddenly traveling up, one reaching to cup your cheek, the other settling on your waist. His eyes are staring into yours intently, and they’re twinkling but it’s not the same mischievous twinkle you’re used to seeing.

“I really like you, too,” Willy says, and he leans in and presses his lips against yours.

For a split second, you stand there, not quite knowing what just happened, but then his hand tightens on your hip and you realize that this is real, this is happening, and Will’s kissing you.

So you kiss back. You let your body lean heavy against the car, place your hands on his biceps and pull him closer, until his chest is flush against yours. The kiss deepens, and you swear you can feel your heartbeat synching up with his.

The night is dark, and quiet, and it rains a little, but you feel none of it.

All you feel is Will, surrounding you, and everything is beautiful and exactly the way it’s supposed to be.

[goodproofingwater]

Chapter 9 | Tinder Tommy

Word count: 2392 

Notes: drum roll pls it’s what ya’ll been waiting for. Contains graphic sexual content. Taglist (if you would like to be added just ask!): @a-dorky-book-keeper@ishoutmarcoandyoushout @idesiretomhardy @theamuz @blinderscaps @peakywriting@justanothershelby @contemporary-mary @auroravipers @moonyscardigans @peakysxshelby@miss-shelby-barnes @vintage-fantasyyy @ly—canthrope @morgan-1830 @i-love-you-green

He didn’t tell the cab to leave at first, made a show of walking you to your doorstep as if you could deny him again, and as you turned to face those beautiful eyes you knew you were done for.

“Want to come in for a nightcap?” You spoke first, his lips quirking in a smile which told you he had expected this although he was going to play along anyway.

“A nightcap?”

“I’m hardly going to try Shelby’s finest whiskey without the man himself being present am I?” You motioned to the bottle in his hand which he had presented you with at dinner, and he glanced down as if he had forgotten it was there.

“I suppose I could use the opinion of a more… feminine pallet.” Your eyes rolled at his words, and he stepped forward, his hand moving to hold your face and as his thumb ran along your bottom lip.

“Unless you had other ideas for this beautiful mouth…”

You were at a loss for words, the tension between you palatable and delicious as his eyes danced from your own to parted red lips, and in that moment you knew you would do whatever he wanted.

“I have a few ideas Sir,”

A flick of his wrist was all it took for the car to pull away, the hand moving to rest on your back as you fumbled with the key in the lock, totally unbelieving that this man stood behind you until his long fingers wrapped around your wrist and helped you turn the key.

“Do you live alone?” He whispers against your hair and the chill down your spine only gets more prominent as you watch him take the first step into your building, the parallels between this and inviting a vampire across the threshold not lost on you.

“No I don’t, I live with my Flatmate Sarah.” You know that Sarah is out with her boyfriend, that she won’t be back that evening but divulging that information seems to come across too eager when you play the conversation through in your mind, and it’s when the elevator doors close and he slips a hand around your waist to pull you flush against him that you give in, his hand on your face enough to allow the red wine to inhibit your senses, the alcohol a perfectly reasonable excuse should you choose to make one in the morning.

His lips are surprisingly soft and gentle and he pulls away at the correct floor, following you and allowing his eyes to take your body in for the hundredth time that evening as you make quick work of your door, pressing your back against it and biting your lip as you watch cerulean corneas graze their way up your figure.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” Are the words he chooses as he moves toward you like a predator assessing his prey, and you shake your head with a smirk as you bite your bottom lip and he mirrors it. Stepping closer his hands are on you again, and while you had intended on back into your apartment slowly his grip on your waist pushes you through the door, the kiss suddenly fervent and desperate, the bottle of whiskey finding its way to the cabinet beside the door as he turns to push you against the door.

There was no more time for playing but he does anyway, pulling away only to bite on your bottom lip, his hands pressing against your thighs and pushing your dress up.

“You going to show me what these gorgeous lips can do?” His words were so dipped in lust that you had no choice but to nod, and his hand was on the back of your neck, forcing your lips to his in a searing kiss which forced you to your knees of your own accord.

“Fuck,” he whispered almost inaudibly as you made quick work of his suit pants, soft kisses placed along his boxers before you tugged both items of clothing down enough to expose him.

His length was much like him, bold and alluring and his hand fisted in your hair as your tongue ran around the head.

“You gonna suck me off where your Flatmate could find us?” He smirks, expecting you to blush and move but instead you take him deep in your throat, the moan which leaves his lips involuntary. He usually had much more control than this, usually found women would bend to his will a little easier and it was your constant defying of his expectations which made him all the more intrigued. Gripping your hair in his hand he began to thrust his hips against your mouth, and you opened your throat to let him, innocent eyes looking up at him as he rest his hand against the wall behind you,

“Fuck you take my cock in your throat so well” he moaned, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment but his pleasure was interrupted as you dug your nails into the exposed skin of his thighs.

He hissed as you moved back off him slowly, swallowing thickly and you stood before he had the chance to pull you up, his hand quickly finding your throat as he pinned you against the wall once more.

“Did I say you could stop?” Were the words which filled the space between you, but his eyes searched for a hint of reluctance in your own, his hand moving from your neck as he realised that this was your first time and he had no idea if you had the same tastes as him.

You shook your head, the domination making you so wet you could barely handle it and he licked his lips as your eyes searched his in turn.

“Want you to cum while you’re inside me Sir…” you speak, and he smirks with a nod, his nose running over yours in a moment of softness before he picked you up once more, moving to lay you down on the couch.

He knelt on the floor before you, leaning in for a searing kiss as he pushed your panties aside, simultaneous moans filling the silence between you as he ran two fingers along your core.

“Fuckin’ ‘ell love you’re soaked” he groaned, accent stronger with his lust and you let out another whimper as he slipped two fingers inside of you, bending them immediately to stroke against your g spot

“You goin’ to be good for me?” He questioned, his forehead on yours and you nodded, completely at his disposal as he began to finger fuck you, and you had just the right amount of semblance left to reach into your bra and pull out a condom.

He let out a soft laugh at the timing, taking it with his teeth and ripping it open with his other hand as his thumb began to circle your clit expertly.

“That feels so good Tom…” you moaned and his face turned to one of mocked concern.

“Oh yeah?” He asked and a moment later he pulled his fingers from you. You knew it was to roll the condom down his shaft, but you felt empty without him, your clit throbbing so hard that it took everything not to start touching yourself. His fingers slip back inside you when he’s done with the latex, and he licks his lips as he watches your face contort, “want me to make you cum like this aye?”

His shaft twitches as you whimper and shake your head, and he moves his fingers harder, pressing down on your spot so intensely that you can feel your orgasm fast approaching.

“Tell me what you want, or I won’t give it to you” his voice is dark with lust and you grip the back of his head as he rests his forehead against yours again.

“Please fuck me Tommy..” you whimper, and he smirks at the desperation in your voice, licking his lips as he continues his fingers until you are dancing on the edge of your orgasm only to remove contact from you.

He waits for a moment and you take the opportunity to crash your lips to his, tongues lashing at each other as you fight for control although you want him to win, and just as the knot in your stomach is about to loosen he slips his sizeable shaft within you.

You pull back to gasp, watching the space between you as his sinks right to the hilt, and your moan is so strangled it barely sounds like you.

“So fuckin’ tight,” he groans, “you been savin’ yourself for me?”

You nod and bite your lip, letting out another loud moan as he pulls out and pushes back into you once more, “haven’t used any toys in days…”

He grins and allows your body to get used to him for a moment and he grips your face as he kisses you.

“Such a good girl..” and with that he kisses you and then pulls back, holding onto your hips as he slams hard into you, the noise of skin slapping on skin filling the room with your moans.

To say he looked attractive while he was staring down at your bouncing body would have been an understatement, his shirt and his hair disheveled from your touch, his hands gripping hold of your waist as his hips slammed home and his thumb moved to continue its tortuous circling on your clit.

“Fuck, Tommy I’m so close” you found yourself a whimpering mess, his shaft pushing against you so perfectly that you found yourself trying to recall a time when a man had ever made you feel so good. A man certainly had never made you cum the very first time you slept together.

“Cum on my cock love come on, let me see you” you realise he’s referring to the fact that he has heard you cum for him too late to comment and instead fly over the edge, his own lips parting at his own end.

“Fuck” He exhales, Birmingham accent strong and clear as he pulls out and moves to dispose of the condom, his chest heaving as he collapses on the couch next to you, glass of whiskey in hand for both of you.

You can’t help the smirk which washes across your face at the action, and you take the glass from him wondering how the hell he found glasses and poured them so quickly.

“Part of the service?” You joked and he offered you a rare smile, licking his lips as he reached inside the jacket he was still wearing and pulled out a cigarette.

“May I smoke?” You realise it’s a courtesy rather than a question when he doesn’t wait for your response before flicking the top off what looks like an antique lighter, and you have to hurry your words before he fills your front room with smoke.

“Please don’t, my landlord might evict me” you chuckle and he looks slightly frustrated before he puts the cigarette back in its case and you’re about to muse on the fact that he is the only person you have seen with a silver cigarette case when he asks you what you think of the whiskey.

Even though you know so little about him, you can tell he is the mastermind behind the whiskey from the moment it caresses your tastebuds. Strong and smokey like the small part of Birmingham that he had told you he was from, it envelopes your mouth and demands attention while somehow remaining smooth. It has you coming back for more the second you’re finished, and you look up into expectant eyes before you answer.

“Delicious.” He smiles again and leans in to press a soft kiss to your lips, warmth spreading through you which has nothing to do with the alcohol but it’s stunted as he checks his watch moments later and sighs.

“I have an important meeting tomorrow morning with the shareholders,” he speaks and you try not to let your face fall, the excuse one you should have known was coming but even so, you didn’t expect it.

“Right..” you nod as he slings back the remainder of the glass, his fingers itching toward his jacket pocket for a cigarette before he remembers that you have forbidden him to divulge his nicotine addiction.

Careful eyes survey you as you stand and adjust your dress so you’re no longer indecent, his hands fixing his belt as you moved with him to the door.

Fingers which had given you such pleasure less than half an hour ago graze your door handle before he turns to look at you, “I really do have a meeting,” he speaks deliberately and you can imagine it’s out of character for him to explain himself, even more out of character for him to hold your face with both hands and run his nose along yours, “I can’t tell you how much I want to stay..”

You’re weak to his movements even when you still suspect they are well choreographed, melting as his gaze meets yours for a second before he grazes his lips against yours and closes the gap between you, nodding as if the kiss sealed something in his mind “I will make it up to you”

These are the last words he speaks to you before he kisses you deeper than before, hands still cupping your face as if you were made of porcelain and then he left, slipping a cigarette between his lips as he descended the stairs and called for a car to collect him.

Tommy Shelby was a man of simple tastes; Whiskey, cigarettes and women, the latter having always been the most intoxicating and disposable. His relationships with women had always been mutually insubstantial, had been about him getting a fast fuck from someone he had chosen and them getting treated to expensive wine and multiple orgasms. This was the first woman he had ever wanted to stick around with, the first woman who he felt had something to say that he wanted to listen to.

As he sat in the back of the black car which arrived to pick him up, he found himself regretting leaving a woman after sex for the very first time.

Next Chapter -->

[faveficarchive]

The Babysitter

By WordWarior

Pairing: Xena & Gabrielle

Rating: PG

Synopsis: Teen Xena has to babysit kid Gabrielle right before the fall festival, and she’s not at all pleased. 

Dear Diary,

It isn't fair. I'm supposed to be helping get ready for the harvest festival with all the other kids (not that I'm exactly Miss Popular, but I thought maybe this time I could do things differently and not have everyone hate me afterwards. Not like the Festival of the Moon when I had to punch out Bureous because he said that stuff to Mala. (And although the other kids said they understood, still, they all treated me weird for days after that), but instead I'm stuck here, taking care of some five-winters-old brat who's visiting the inn. I swear it's punishment for what I did to Lyceus last week, even though Mom told me that cleaning the barn was enough.

"Xena! Get down here -- now! They're leaving."

"In a second!" shouted Xena, her mother's commanding voice having little effect on the strong-willed teenager.

"I said now. I meant now. That means now!"

"Hades," Swore Xena, hastily hiding her diary beneath her mattress. "All right already! I'm coming."

Taking the stairs two at a time, the thirteen-winters-old girl jumped the last five steps landing lightly on her feet. Sullenly, she sauntered into the tavern where the visitors stood talking to Cyrene while their five-winters-old daughter played with a set of blocks. It was early, long before customers would fill the bar. Xena sighed, the weight of the known world on her shoulders.

"Here she is," Cyrene said brightly. "Xena, these nice people have a table to set up at the festival, so they need to leave their daughter here for a bit. I told them you were delighted at the chance to watch her while they're busy."

"Yeah, delighted," said Xena with a saccharine smile, sarcasm dripping from her voice. Cyrene pinched her daughter's arm, the action hidden from her guests' view, but Xena kept her smile in place, pushing the small stab of pain deep down. She had always been good at hiding what she felt and it drove her mother crazy.

"Well that's just wonderful! I can't tell you how much we appreciate this, Cyrene," said the woman with a genuine smile.

"Not at all. She loves doing this sort of thing. Why Xena is a natural with children."

A thousand scenarios for revenge flashed through the teen's mind as she stood quietly by her mother's side. She was already several inches taller than her mom and didn't look like she would stop growing soon. It had been quite a summer. Breasts had exploded from her chest garnering her undue attention from the local boys. Hair grew in the most bizarre places and once a month she had to deal with the infernal Wound of Artemis. Being a female sucked, she had decided.

"I promised the gang I'd help with decorations this afternoon. How long will I need to watch the kid?" asked Xena, sullenly glaring at the child who sported large green eyes and a splash of blonde hair.

"Oh not long, Sweetie," said the woman, already on her way out the door. "Just for a few candlemarks."

"Motheeeerrr!" whined Xena once the couple had closed the door behind them. "What am I supposed to do with her for candlemarks!!!"

"You'll think of something. Just stick close to home. With this many strangers in town for the festival it isn't safe to wander."

"Oh yeah, right," scoffed Xena. "Like some warlord is gonna say 'Ah perfect! A little blonde kid! Now I can rule the world.'"

"You have no idea how a warlord thinks," admonished Cyrene. "Now get to it. I have a lot of work to do to get ready for the traffic of a festival day. I don't want to have to worry about you or that little girl."

"Yeah, of course not," said Xena beneath her breath as her mother slipped into the back. "Why should you worry about me? You never have before." Ever since her father had disappeared, Xena had found herself more and more independent. Cyrene simply didn't have the time to run a tavern and keep a close eye on three children. So Xena had taken the responsibility of watching out for both herself and Lyceus, while Toris helped their mother with the business.

"If Lyceus were here I could make him watch you," Xena said as she approached the happy child. "But that weasel is off with Uncle Kortheer, probably having the time of his life. Boys get all the fun, don't they?" The girl looked up at Xena, her eyes shining. "Yeah, so, um... what's your name, kid?"

"Ella."

"Ella, huh? Weird name."

"S'not weird! Really it's Gabrielle, but Mommy calls me Ella. It's a nice name."

"Whatever. Okay, Gabrielle, let's--"

"Ella!"

"I don't do nicknames, okay?" said Xena, deciding to torture the kid in harmless ways to get out her frustration. Besides, she rather liked the name Gabrielle. It suited the girl. "Now, let's figure out what to do with you for a couple hours."

"Tell me a story."

"Huh? What story?"

"Any story! Tell me a hero story."

"I don't know any hero stories."

"Sure you do! Everyone knows hero stories!"

"Not me. C'mon, let's go see how the decorations are coming."

"Your mom said to stay here."

"Yeah? Well, I'm your boss, got it? And you don't question me. What I say goes," said Xena, one eyebrow raised and her most fierce expression on her face.

"You don't scare me," said Gabrielle, looking frightened.

Xena relented, realizing that she was acting out her frustrations on a little kid. "Yeah, well, good. I'm not really trying to scare you. I just want to see how my friends are doing."

"Okay," said Gabrielle, standing up and dusting off her dress.

"C'mon," said Xena motioning the child through the front door. Gabrielle smiled at the teenager and reached up to take her hand.

"Awww geez," Xena muttered, relenting as she took the little girl's hand in hers and walked her out the door.

Dear Diary,

The kid is driving me nuts. She's so curious about everything. It's her first trip outside of Potidaea and she thinks every stupid thing that's different is interesting. Man, she'd drive me insane if I had to spend more than one day with her. As it is, I can barely keep an eye on her. I was trying to talk to Maphius about the dance decorations and I hear this huge crash and there she is, covered in flour. Seems she got into the kitchen stores, saw a bug or something and was trying to catch it as a 'present' for me. Like I want a bug! Anyway, I figured I'd better take her home before she wrecked anything else.

I can't figure it out but she's decided I'm like some kind of hero. She just stares at me with those big eyes and thinks everything I do is amazing. The stupidest stuff and she thinks it's all so cool. Okay, so I sorta like that. But still, it's not enough to make up for the fact that everyone else is working on the hall for tonight's dance and I'm stuck babysitting.

"Xena!"

Now what? Xena asked herself as she put away her diary. "You're supposed to be napping."

The young girl was lying on Xena's bed, not the least bit sleepy, pointing at Xena's bedroom wall. "Look!"

"Look at what, Gabrielle?"

"You got a sword!" the child said, gesturing emphatically to the sword mounted behind the bed.

"Yeah? What of it?"

"Is it a real sword?"

"It's real. But don't touch it. Swords are dangerous."

"Do you get to touch it?"

"Of course! But I'm older. It's different."

"'Kay..." Gabrielle pouted, staring at the weapon.

Sighing, Xena said, "Tell you what. We'll go find you a nice stick and you can pretend it's a sword, okay?"

"Okay!" Bounding off the bed, the little blonde beamed in the direction of her hero. "You're really pretty," she said, out of the blue.

Xena laughed. "You think? Ah, what would you know."

"I know. You're pretty. I bet you're the prettiest girl in Amphipolis, huh?"

"Doubtful."

"Who's prettier?"

"Althea."

"Nah ah."

"You don't even know her!" said Xena, exasperated, yet oddly pleased by the compliment.

"Do so! She was at the place where the flour was. She's not near so pretty as you."

"Yeah, well, she's sure more popular," muttered Xena. Then, at the worshipful gaze of her newest fan, she said, "C'mon, let's go get you a fighting stick." Tucking her diary into her pocket, Xena stood up.

"Neato!" Gabrielle grabbed Xena's hand and yanked her toward the door. The teenager shook her head, smiling, and allowed herself to be pulled along. Hard to beat that enthusiasm, she decided.

Dear Diary,

Man, that kid loves that stupid stick. I mean, it's just a stick, but she's been playing with it forever. I tried to show her how to use it like a sword, but she keeps whipping it around like it's a staff or something. Oh well, she'd probably put out her eye otherwise. She was kind of awkward when she tried to thrust and parry and stuff.

"Careful!" said Xena, looking up from her diary and spotting Gabrielle banging away at a tree trunk with her stick. "You don't want to get bark chips in your eyes or something."

Immediately, Gabrielle pulled away from the tree. "I'm sorry, Xena," she said. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Oh for-- look, you didn't do anything wrong. I just want you to be careful, that's all."

"How come?"

"What do you mean, how come?" asked Xena, exasperated.

Gabrielle inched closer to the teenager, her glistening eyes fixed on the older girl's face. "How come? You don't care 'bout me..."

"What makes you say that?"

"Cuz you won't tell me stories and you act like you don't want me around, that's how come."

"C'mere," said Xena, motioning the girl closer. Gabrielle came within arms' length and Xena pulled her into her lap. "Look, I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. It's just that I've really been looking forward to today and I hadn't expected to have to babysit. I kinda wanted to hang out with my friends."

"I'm sorry, Xena..." said Gabrielle, sniffing loudly.

The teen looked into the little girl's face and saw abject sorrow there. "Awww, c'mon, I said that's what I had planned. Doesn't mean I'm not having fun with you. And sure doesn't mean I don't like you. For a little kid, you're pretty cool."

"For real?" asked Gabrielle, light pouring from her eyes.

"Yeah. I mean, other than messing up the flour you've been pretty good."

"Xena?"

"Hmmm?"

"When I get old like you, will I be pretty too?"

Xena leaned back and seriously assessed the young girl's features. "Well... you won't look like me, that's for sure. We're very different. But I don't think you should worry. You're cute now, so you'll probably look fine when you get older." Twisting suddenly, Gabrielle lunged into a deep hug, surprising the teen with the strength in her small arms. "Hey!" said Xena, laughing. "Cut it out, huh? It's no big deal."

Gabrielle relaxed her grip but remained snuggled against her babysitter. "You make me feel safe," she said.

"Safe from what?"

"From monsters and warlords and stuff. I bet you could kill them all with your sword. I bet you're that good. I bet you're like a hero or something, right?"

"Hardly. I'm just a kid. Kids aren't heroes."

"What do you wanna be when you grow up?"

"I don't know. Maybe a warrior or a healer or something. How about you?"

"A Hestian Virgin. They have pretty dresses."

Laughing, Xena said, "Okay, that's one reason, all right. But I think you should be a bard."

"How come?" asked Gabrielle, pulling away so she could look into the teen's bright blue eyes.

"You like stories so much. And heroes and junk. Bards love that kind of thing."

"A bard? Huh," said the child, an almost adult expression of contemplation on her features. "Can bards be Hestian Virgins too?"

"I dunno. But bards can wear pretty dresses. No reason why not."

Brightening, the child grinned. "Okay! That's what I'll be then."

"Good. Glad to have that settled. Shouldn't leave those decisions until too late," quipped Xena with a lopsided grin. "Hey, you tired?" she asked as the child snuggled back into the teen's arms. Xena was very glad no one was in the small forest glade, watching her. Too much mush, she decided.

"Nah ah," whispered Gabrielle, as her eyes closed.

"Right," chuckled Xena, pulling out her diary.

Dear Diary,

I never really thought about having kids. Always figured they were a big pain. Mom says it often enough. But just between you and me, this Gabrielle kid is kinda sweet. Talky. And too curious. And she says silly things, but still...

Awww geez, I'm talking a lot of nonsense, now. There's no place for someone like Gabrielle in my life. Not the life I want. Adventures, that's for me. Just me and Lyceus and our swords. We're gonna escape Amphipolis and just travel the known world, hanging out with Kings and other warriors. And I'm gonna have jewels and stuff and give them to my mother so she can stop running the tavern and just sit in a big house ordering around lots of slaves. (She always says she doesn't need slaves, cuz she has us. Ha. Ha.)

Mom keeps telling me I'm silly for saying things like that. She says I should worry about who I'm gonna marry and that's it. That's a woman's lot. Well, that and I'm supposed to learn to cook a whole lot better than I do. I suck at that. It's so unfair. Why should I worry about cooking -- something I suck at -- when I'm so good with a sword? Seems to me I should concentrate on stuff I do good, not stuff I'm supposed to do good just cuz I'm a girl.

"Well, well, well... what have we here?" said a gruff voice just behind Xena's shoulder.

Quickly, the teen slid from Gabrielle's sleeping form and hopped to her feet, the child's fighting stick in her hands. "Who are you?" she asked, glaring at the lone man. He was disgusting -- covered with grime, his clothes stained and the stench of stale liquor and unwashed male hanging on him like a noxious cloud.

"I'm the man of your dreams, Hot Stuff."

Xena knew she looked older than thirteen. People were always surprised when they found out her age. It was all that growth over the summer. Once again, she hated the fact that she was too tall, had too much chest and wasn't normal like all the other girls her age. But somehow she had the feeling that her age wouldn't matter at all to a guy like this. Her mom had been right -- she should have stayed close to home. "Get out of here," she said coldly, pushing away her fear and trying to act as tough as the warriors who passed through her mother's tavern. It was all attitude, she had decided at an early age. Act tough and people will see you as tough.

The man laughed. "Ooooh, a feisty one, huh? Good, I like it rough." Before Xena could respond, he spotted Gabrielle, who was just blinking open her eyes. "You gonna let your daughter watch, or do you wanna slip over into the woods a bit? Not that I mind, but some folks is sensitive about that kinda thing."

"You're disgusting," said Xena. "And I'm warning you for the last time -- get out of here or I'll make you wish you'd never found us."

"Xena? I'm scared," said Gabrielle, grabbing onto the teenager's leg.

"Shhh, it's okay, Gabrielle. Everything is going to be fine. This man was just leaving," she said, stroking the child's hair.

The man walked up to Xena and stared at her, eye to eye. He was only about an inch or two taller and the teenager was already mentally figuring out how to use his strength against him. She had spent her youth conning lessons out of the warriors who passed through Amphipolis. Discovering at an early age that she had a natural aptitude for the fighting arts, she had soaked up every piece of knowledge she could, using her younger brother as a sparring partner.

"Let me put it this way, Girlie. You give me what I want and I spare the kid. You even think about trying to fight me and she becomes my target. Got it?"

Gabrielle's grip tightened, tears flowing freely. "All right," Xena said with a feral smile, surprisingly menacing in a face so young. "Now you've got me mad. You're not going to like me mad." With eye-blurring speed, she brought the stick up to his groin, connecting with a resounding thud. As he bent over she elbowed his nose then slammed the stick onto his head, breaking the wood in two with the fierceness of the blow. The man fell to the ground in a groaning heap. "C'mon, Gabrielle," said Xena, urgently, gathering the child in her arms. She ran from the glade as quickly as she could with her awkward burden, overjoyed when she burst through the trees onto the streets of Amphipolis.

Dear Diary,

She's finally asleep. Took three stories and I had to make up half of them because I never paid attention to all that god stuff, but she closed her eyes at last. I wasn't sure what to do about the man, so I went to Thomasus, the smith, and told him there was a highwayman in the woods. He came back and said no one was there. I guess the guy ran away or something. Thomasus said that most likely he wouldn't be bothering anyone around here for awhile, cuz there was blood in the clearing. I suppose it was from his nose. I cracked him pretty good.

I'm mostly worried about Gabrielle. She's just a little kid. I don't like the idea of her seeing that crap. Such an innocent little thing.

"We're home!" wafted Cyrene's voice.

Xena bolted from her room, leaping down the stairs with a finger over her lips. "Shhh! I just got her to sleep!"

Gabrielle's mother had followed Cyrene into the tavern and smiled at Xena. "How was she? Did she behave? She didn't make you tell her any stories, did she?"

"A couple. But I didn't mind. She's a good kid," said Xena, her eyes downcast.

"You didn't have any trouble, did you?" asked Cyrene, examining her daughter's expression suspiciously.

Innocently, Xena met her Mom's eyes. "Of course not."

"Sorry you couldn't be with your friends, Dear," said her mom, her eyes softening.

"No biggie. Gabrielle and I went down there to check on stuff and it was all pretty boring anyway."

"I heard some highwayman attacked a woman and her daughter in the woods outside of town," said Gabrielle's mother.

"You're kidding? What happened?" asked Cyrene, the gossip lighting her eyes.

"Your smithy went out and bloodied his nose. Sent him running with his tail between his legs."

"Did you hear anything about this, Xena? I saw you talking to Thomasus earlier," observed Cyrene.

"Nah, I was talking about armor and junk."

"You and your swords and armor. What's going to become of you?"

"I dunno. Maybe I'll be a hero, like Achilles," said Xena, embarrassed.

"Well if so, Gabrielle will want to hear all about it. She's absolutely obsessed with tales of heroes," said the child's mother, laughing indulgently.

"Yeah, well, maybe I will tell her some day," said Xena, backing away from the two women. While they continued to gossip, Xena slowly walked back up the stairs to her small room. She sat on the edge of her bed, looking down at the sweet-faced blonde child as she slept. "Hey, kid, your mom is here," she whispered gently.

Gabrielle opened her eyes, yawning. It took a moment for her to focus but when she saw Xena she grinned. "Hi, Xena."

"Hi. Your mom is downstairs. You don't have to hang around me anymore, lucky you."

The girl sat up, rubbing her eyes then smiled. She hugged Xena, saying, "I liked hanging around with you. You're a hero. You beat up the bad man and everything."

"Let's not tell anyone about that, okay? We were sorta not supposed to be out in the woods." At Gabrielle's confused expression, Xena said, "Not that you should lie. Just don't, you know, tell anyone unless they ask you. Okay? It'll be our secret."

"A secret? Okay!"

"Good. Thanks, Gabrielle."

"I like how you say my name."

Xena smiled crookedly and picked up the child, carrying her weight easily. "Let's get you back to your mom."

"Will I ever see you again, Xena?"

"I dunno. Maybe. Maybe I'll come to hear you when you're a famous bard."

"And I'll tell stories about Xena, the Warrior Hero."

"It's a deal," said Xena, not quite understanding why the trust of this small child hit her heart in such a deep place.

The End

[angelfiume]

Mouth Like A Sailor Part 1

Hey so I have no idea how to publish a fanfic on tumblr besides just putting it up like this so hopefully this goes well.  I was posting on qoutev but it kept crashing my computer so tumblr it is.

Marlena Curtis May 1965 5 months before    "I hope all of you will take this summer to exercise your minds... You wouldn't want to go into your senior year with a head full of nothing, would you?"  Mr. Mays shouted at the class, he wasn't angry, just obnoxiously loud.  I looked across the room at my brother's best friend, Steve, hoping to have someone to smile with or pass a note too, but he obviously was not interested and instead was tracing the hand of a short girl with bobbed hair.  She was giggling as he made ugly monster claws out of her manicured fingers, it was kind of sweet honestly.  I sighed and leaned back in my chair, looking around the room for anyone else that might be alright with me.  Mr. Mays voice quieted as he saw no one really cared about his speech on polishing the young mind, he resulted to letting us free for the rest of the period.  I rested my head on my arms and decided to spend the class just sleeping instead of awkwardly trying to make conversation with the dry, ginger soc next to me.  She seemed like she wasn't very interested anyways.    The bell rung two minutes in to my daydream, which couldn't have made me happier, I jumped out of my seat and yanked my bag with me out the door.  Finally I could just do jack-shit and paint my nails instead of listening to the same monotone creeps lecture for hours and hours.  I nearly ran down the hallway towards my friends, Sophie and Jean, they were talking fast and smiled big when they saw me running down to see them.    "MARLI, tell your brother you're gonna be at my house tonight baking cookies or some sweet shit, Gene Vincent is gonna be at Sophie's cousin's bar tonight in Oklahoma City!  Her cousin said we can all get in no sweat."  Jean said, she was so excited her heavy eyeliner was creasing from smiling so wide.       

  "Holy shit, Sophie did your cousin really say we can go?  How much money?" I asked with a small twinge in my stomach, the past few months have been pretty tough on my wallet, I really wanted all my money to go into my younger brother's secret college fund.   

 "None baby!  That's a perk of having friends with connections, just pitch in two bucks or so for gas, my daddy is letting me take the Malibu, ain't that exciting?" Sophie cooed, she had this soft voice that could have sounded polite even if she was telling you where it seemed your head was stuck.  She was   rich too, man her family did well.  But she was still my friend, because she didn't care if I lived in a hollowed out coat closet my brother set up for me, she didn't believe in the social class war going on.    

  "I'm in man!  I'll tell Darry I'm going to have a sleepover with ya'll, he won't ask questions, he's too wrapped around the axel with Soda right now."  I grinned at them and listened quietly to the rest of their chatter.  They could get awful excited about something real fast, it was damn cute.     

 We walked out to Jean's boyfriends car, he was a doll, always chauffeuring her and her friends around Tulsa.  Speaking of the devil, Tommy came sprinting down the concrete steps and bear-hugged tiny Jean, making her scream and laugh.  

    "Hello sweetheart, ready to be done with the bullshit for a whole 2 months?" he was another one of those guys that seems to really just shout instead of talk, he nodded to Sophie and I and smiled nicely, "ya'll hangin' or goin' home?" 

   "I can stay a little, we're supposed to be in the City by 9 and we gotta leave at 7 or so.." Sophie chirped    

   "Just straight home for me, thanks, I gotta make an appearance so Darry doesn't get suspicious"  I knew full well that he would expect the worst if I never showed up at home.    I jumped down from Tommy's pick- up and yelled to Jean I would be at her house at 630.  I smoothed out my black corduroy skirt and re-tucked the ratty pink shirt I had owned since 9th grade.  My sneakers crunched down the gravel covering the alley behind my house as I walked towards the backward, where I heard my brother and their friends.�� Not even the whole gang was there, but it was still loud as hell.     

          "Hey Marls how was the last day of school?  I  miss anything important?" laughed Two-bit, the rusty haired boy lay lazily on our back steps.      

           "Ha, it was fine, you didn't miss anything important.  Just that Mark guy offered me a whole year supply of marijuana if I would flash the principal at the assembly this morning"  I told him as I took a carton out of my bra and lit a smoke, I giggled a little when I saw him cock an eyebrow.  The nimrod probably thought I went through with it.     

           "So ya did it right?"  Demanded a bored looking Dallas Winston.  He sat next to my twin Soda, who was laughing quietly to himself, he probably knew I was too much of a wimp to leave school one some crazy note like that.   

           "Nah," I took a long drag, "I could get that shit for free by just winking at some of the squares in this town... But anyways, where did Darry go?  He working late or something?"   

           "No, he should be home in ten minutes or so, you gonna bail soon?" Soda asked   

            "Around 6ish I'm going over to Jean's, Sophie and I are gonna spend the night with her."  I told him without much worry, I was used to making up white lies at this point, Soda would likely not even care that I was going into the big city tonight, maybe he'd even think it was tuff I was sneaking off to a high class bar with my socy friends.   

             "Ain't Jean that middle-class broad with the giant jugs?" Dally half-joked, it was almost a long running gag that we had, since he couldn't make a move on me, being three of the gangs' sister, he has always tried his best to get at my friends.    I just rolled my eyes and took another drag of my cigarette, lettings the boys' conversation go this way and that and just listen.  That's kinda been my go-to lately, when my mom and dad died three months ago I lost a lot of my talkative edge.  Shit it's been three months already... I pushed my body lightly off of the side of the house and dragged myself inside.  My room really was just a scraped out coat closet.  I ain't gonna complain too bad about it though, Darry really did make it alright and it wasn't even too small of a closet to begin with.  Hell, if we were able to fit my little mattress and even my record player I bought when I was 11, it can't have been that bad.  My stomach was beginning to feel a little green, I had been smoking like a chimney since I got home, and my room ain't too breezy so that tobacco stench really liked to hang around.   

           "Marlena?" I heard my oldest brother knocking at my door, he opened it and immediately looked a little peeved, "Oh lordy!  Did ya just set a whole carton of marbolos on fire?  It's a goddamn wildfire in here, you keep smoking like this and I'm gonna have to start checking what you buy at the store now, ya dig?"    

           "Yeah, I know.  Hey Darry?"  I said, without the slightest intention of cutting down on my habit, "I'm gonna go to Jean's tonight, Sophie will be there too, that cool?"    "That's fine" he said walking back to the kitchen.  I followed him out and just followed suit, he got a glass of water, I got one too.  We didn't even talk the whole time,  he's kinda been quiet lately too.  When our parents died in that accident everyone took on a different kind of burden, but sometimes I think Darry feels like he took the whole load, and maybe that's why he's so damn stressed. Coming home from the funeral with my brothers felt like I had just taken a few strangers from the graveyard and said "you'll do."  Darry used to be that real fun, hilarious older brother.  We used to go out all the time and just talk about everything.  We would talk about how mom was a little too harsh sometimes on people and that it was pretty funny that dad would just push her buttons when she would get annoyed by the little things.  My youngest brother, Ponyboy, well he just downright terrifies me the way their deaths changed him.  He didn't use to be so dreamy all the time, he always had a big imagination, but this time it's different, he tried to follow mom and dad's souls up to heaven and got stuck somewhere between space and the East Side.  Sodapop though, he seemed to take it the healthiest, he wasn't shy about bawling and howling like an idiot at the funeral.  He had to express how he felt, so he did.  But one thing that did change was the side of him people usually forgot about started to rear its ugly head just a little more every once in a while.  Soda is charming and nice, but he's also reckless and clumsy and he won't look before he just starts running.  I'm not trying to  but my brothers in  a bad light though, I certainly haven't been perfect since the accident either.

             Jean's dad was in the army, and her mom was a nurse, so they got along pretty okay.  She wasn't by any means rich, but she surely never had a shortage of cash by the end of the month.  Her house was just a quick bus ride from my neighborhood, it was two stories, well kept, and all the bathrooms were pink.  I knocked on the door and not even a second later it was the bermuda triangle of "can you answer that?" between her and her parents.  It was her mom who came to the door, she was a real neat lady.  Joan's mom was actually real tough, she had a hard life as a kid and she don't have the easiest job in the world.

    "Hello Marls!  Don't you look like a doll tonight?"  She smiled up at me, I am pretty tall for a girl and I usually tower over most ladies I meet. 

   "Thank-you Mrs. Massey, it's just my school clothes, but I figured it would be alright for tonight, ha," I tried my best to sound like a nice girl, but she was just so damn down to earth I really don't think she'd judge me too harsh.  She let me in and walked me all the way to Jean's room, asking about my brothers and if Pony was proud of himself that he came in 2nd at his last track meet.  It was nice talking to a mom.

      Jean popped up from the floor when I walked in, "You ready to leave soon?  I just gotta find my lipstick and Sophie will be here soon, we're gonna get burgers at Dairy Queen on the way out of  town, my mom gave me food money if any of us need."  she spoke briskly and with a butt-load of excitement. 

   "Yeah I'm all set" I giggled quietly as she threw tubes of makeup to the floor trying to find her token lipstick. She got it and we tumbled down the stairs just as Sophie was pulling up to the house.

[randomfanfictiontime]

I Can’t Help Who I Love

Summary: After Hannah Baker’s death, you’re life turned to shit. Your boyfriend broke up with you, your best friend is dead... Nothing could make your life worse. Well, maybe one thing... (I swear the actual story is better than the summary!)

Pairing: Alex Standall x Reader, Zach Dempsey x Reader (platonic), Hannah Baker x Reader (platonic)

Word Count: 5479

Warning(s): Mentions of suicide, mentions of teen pregnancy, A SHIT TON OF ANGST OMG, MeGa FeeLs (( I was listening to ‘River Flows in You’. I wAS SaD sO i sHAll CONdem YOu to BeiNG Sad As WeLL))

(A/N): As you can see, I threw my feelings up all over the fic. Someone needs to ban me from ‘Thirteen Reasons Why’, Alex Standall, and angst because this is the result. Put those things together and I poop out this story. I AM SO SORRY! Also, this is my first 13RW imagine so I’d appreciate the feedback. I really, honestly hope you enjoy it, because I really enjoyed writing it. I’m actually really proud of this piece, it’s easily one of my favorites.

You were the fourth. The fourth member of the little "squad" that had formed after Hannah's death. The fourth tape. The fourth reason... The fourth reason that Hannah Baker ended her life. You couldn't believe it when you heard the words "Welcome to your tape, (Y/N) (L/N)." You remember thinking, 'Why on Earth were you on this?' You racked your brain the whole entire night, trying to come up with some plausible excuse as to why you were on them. And you came up with nothing.

After listening, you couldn't believe it. Of course you felt guilty for what you did, but it's not like you could've helped it. As they say... You can't help who you fall in love with...

************************ "Now, tell me... Would you want to date someone who created a list, a list meant to get back at his girlfriend for not sleeping with him, but instead ruined another girl's life in the process...? I wouldn't. So, imagine my surprise when my so-called 'friend' decided that it would be a good idea to fall for him.

"Welcome to your tape... (Y/N) (L/N)."

************************ "(Y/N), hey! Wait up!" You hear from down the hall. Glancing over your shoulder, you spy Clay Jenson making his way through the crowd, trying to catch up to you.

They warned you about him. Justin, Jessica, Alex... They warned you that he had the tapes and that he was cornering them, threatening them. And since you were the next person, it was your turn.

Quickly trying to look for a way out, you bolt towards the back exit. Looking behind you, you notice that Clay was no where in sight. As you sigh in relief, you begin turning the corner only to come in contact with someone's chest. You yelp and fall backwards.

"(Y/N), oh sorry." He holds out his hand for you to take, which you do, and helps you up.

"What do you want, Clay?"

"I just want to know why you did it. She was your friend and you stabbed her in the back." Your eyes begin to tear up, the mere memory of her...

"Look, Clay..." You begin, releasing a shaky breath. "I can't talk to you about this, okay?" You turn to leave but he grabs onto your arm, forcing you stop.

"Why not?"

"Because, I can't." Feeling you try to pull away, Clay tightens his hold on you.

"You knew what he did. You knew he ruined her, yet you still dated him? Explain it to me. Why would you-"

"What do you want me to say, Clay?! That I'm sorry? That I'm stupid for choosing Alex, out of all people? Well I am! I'm sorry and I'm incredibly stupid! But that doesn't change anything, does it? Me saying sorry isn't going to change a damn thing..." You were full on crying now, sobs breaking up your yelling, making you sound weak.

"Hey!" You heard someone yell furiously.

"What the hell are you doing to her? Back off, man!" You felt Clay's grip get ripped off of your arm as he got shoved away from you. Looking up, you saw a furious-looking Alex standing in between you and Clay.

"Alex, it's okay..." You mumble, pulling him away.

"No, it isn't. You're crying, and he's the cause of it." He pointed to a miserable looking Clay.

"Why do you even care, Alex?" He turned to look at you, disbelief written all over his face.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means we broke up, so you can stop pretending to care." He stood, silent. His mouth opened for a split second, as if he was going to say something but he closed it before he could. He just let out a scoff, walking away as he shook his head. You turn back to Clay, wiping the tears from your eyes. More just took their place.

"You can't help who you fall in love with, Clay... You of all people should know that." And with that, you walk away, leaving Clay standing in his place, processing what just happened and what you had said.

************************

"We met at Monet's. You were sitting alone, sipping your drink, slowly. Alex and Jessica were talking about how unfairly some substitute was to their class, while I just sat there, drinking my hot chocolate, staring into space. I was the one who suggested we go over there and say hi, seeing as you looked lonely.

"Why?" Jessica asked, looking over at you with a weird look in her eye.

"Well, because she looks lonely." They didn't say anything so I got up and went over to you. Your eyes glanced up at me, slight hope sparking in them. That spark went away as soon as you saw it was me.

"Sorry, I thought you were someone else." You mumbled, going back to chewing on your straw.

"Waiting on someone?" I knew the answer, but I asked anyway.

"Yep. Got stood up, again. I need to learn not to trust guys." You laughed. Despite the sadness you probably felt, you laughed. And I laughed along with you.

"Yeah, guys are dicks."

"Amen, sister." We sat there, just laughing.

"I'm (Y/N)," you stuck your hand out for me to shake.

"Hannah." Alex and Jessica waved over to me, beckoning for me to come back.

"Hey, would you want to come sit with us? My friends are over there." I pointed at them.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Would you?" You sat there, silent and thinking. Finally, you smile and nod.

"I would love to." And just like that, another member was added to our tiny group. Three became four. And even after Jessica and Alex disappeared, you stuck with me. You never left.

I can easily say that you were my best friend, (Y/N). We had sleepovers, talking about cheesy things like boys and you would go all fangirl about your crush on Montgomery De la Cruz, or I gushed to you about how a certain someone looked at me or talked to me. We walked home from school together, went on coffee dates to Monet's. You would always swing by the Crestmont to see me whenever you could. You wouldn't even watch a movie, you would just stand there for hours and we would just talk.

I could come talk to you about anything and you would listen. And even after everything... After Justin's picture or Alex's list, you never left me. I remember showing up on your doorstep, crying, and you took me in. You let me rant and vent all I wanted. I remember asking you why you were still my friend.

"Because," you told me, "I don't care about your reputation, Hannah. I don't care if you did or didn't do that stuff because to me, they are just rumors. You are my best friend, Hannah and until you flat out tell me that they are true, I won't believe a word. And besides, guys are dicks." It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me."

************************

You had decided to go the cliff to get your mind off of things, but it only made it worse. Tears streamed down your face as you reminisced about all of the memories you had with Hannah or about the ones you had with Alex. You didn't know where it all went wrong, with either or them. Everything had seemed so fine one second but came crashing down in the next. That was just life, you guessed.

************************

One day at lunch, you practically came skipping over to me, all smiley and giggly.

"Why do you look so giddy today? Oh my God, are you blushing?" I laughed, moving my stuff out of the way so you could sit. You rubbed your cheeks, unable to wipe the smile off of your lips.

"Shut up!" You whined before getting back on point. "Okay, so you know how I had that crush on someone, but I never thought it was going to happen considering he just got out of a relationship and all that?" Nodding, I urge you to continue.

"Well... Last night, he took me out on a date."

"Oh my gosh, really?" You nod happily.

"Are you ever going to tell me who this mystery guy is?"

"Oh Hannah, I don't kiss and tell."

"What? You two kissed?"

"It was completely accidental, but it was awesome nonetheless." I was so happy for you, (Y/N). I didn't think much of it that day, but I could've sworn that I saw a weird look cross your face. One full of remorse and guilt. I didn't understand why. I also didn't understand why you didn't really tell me anything about the guy you were dating until a few weeks later, you arrived at the Crestmont. With Alex.

"Two tickets for 'It' please." I was working the booth that night, so when Alex showed up, I had to at least pretend to be nice.

"Oh... Hey Hannah." He mumbled once he saw it was me.

"On a date?"

"Uh... Yeah." That was when you approached.

"Hey, while you get the tickets, I'll go ahead and get our po-" you stopped your sentence short when you saw me.

"Hannah? I-I thought that you weren't working tonight..." I got the feeling of overwhelming deja vu. But most of all, I was hurt. Alex excused himself, letting us talk privately.

"Alex is the mystery guy?"

"Yeah, listen Han... I'm really sorry." You knew what he did to me, yet you still dated him. Looking back at all of the times you gushed to me about your 'new boyfriend', it never occurred to me that it would be Alex. I didn't realize that you were going behind my back with the person who started it all. I felt sad, empty... Most of all I felt betrayed. You were my best friend. But best friends, they don't do what you did... So I had assumed that you were never really my friend.

Now... Now I realize that you were actually my friend. No one can fake it for that long, so well. I just want to know... why'd you do it?"

************************

Over the course of the next few days, you did your very best to ignore Clay, and Alex. But, you knew you couldn't for long. And Zach voiced your fears.

"(Y/N), he getting closer to his tape, which means-"

"I know exactly what it means." You snap, immediately apologizing.

"I'm only trying to look out for you."

"I know, Zach." Before Hannah died, you and Zach became best friends. It was mostly because he was the least obnoxious out of all of Alex's new friends. You two had remained friends even after the break up and Hannah's death.

"Look, maybe he won't put the pieces together. I mean, none of you guys did, so..."

"Clay is smarter than the rest of us." He was also one of the only ones who you told your secret to. You are hoping to keep it that way.

"Look, I'm not that worried. It'll probably blow right over his head." The truth is, you're terrified. Clay is smart, really smart.

"As long as your sure..."

~CLAY'S POV~

He was so close to being done. He was on tape number 12, having already listened to his tape. He felt a feeling of dread, it seemed as though as the numbers progress, each reason is worse than the last. Taking in deep breath, he presses play.

************************

"I just want to add something, a story, before I get on with reason number 12... Now, let me be clear. This section of the tape is not a reason. But, it is something significant that I feel I should mention. I won't be giving any names as to who it is I'm talking about, it's not my place to. But perhaps maybe it will help them...

This happened the same night of Jessica's party. It came before everything that happened with Sheri, Justin, and Clay...

She had approached me while I was sitting on the couch. I was alone, so it gave her the perfect time to walk up to me, looking as if she was about to burst into tears right then and there. She asked if we could talk for a second in private. Now, why would she come up to me of all people in a house crowded with them, you may ask? Well, all I'm going to say is that she was my friend. Whether I admitted that at the time, she was my friend.

"I know that we aren't on good terms at the moment..." She began, pausing as if she was thinking about a good way to word whatever it was she was going to tell me.

"And I know that you must not want to see me, but I didn't know who else I could talk to, who else I could trust..." She seemed to be struggling with something major so despite everything, I gave in.

"What is it?"

"Something happened... And I don't know what to do. I haven't told anyone, not even my parents." Her words were broken by the tears that began flowing down her face. I placed my hands on her shoulders as she looked at me with teary eyes. Whatever it was, it had to have been bad because this girl hardly ever cried in public. Sure, she's cried to me a lot, but never was it in a public setting. And here we were, at a party.

"You can tell me. What is it? What happened?" I knew her and her boyfriend had recently had a pretty bad break up, so I assumed that it had something to do with him. But, what I was expecting her say and what she did say were completely opposite of each other.

"I-I," she stuttered, tripping over her words. I waited patiently, knowing that you can't rush her in these types of moments. Finally, after about a minute, she whispered something. It was so low, and the music from inside the house was so loud, I couldn't make out a word that she had said.

"What?" She said it once more, only slightly louder. This time, I read her lips. My heart was pumping because of what I thought she had said. It couldn't be though, could it? No.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?" She took in a shaky breath, and you said it so loud, you almost shouted it.

"I'm pregnant." In that moment, everything that had happened to me, all of the shit that had happened... I don't think any thing could compare to what she was feeling in that moment. I pulled her in for a hug, knowing that she needed comfort. She cried on my shoulder for a long time.

"How far along are you?" I asked, just out of curiosity.

"Only about two weeks, I'd say. I found out last week." She sniffled. We had moved back into the house, and were sitting on the couch.

"Is it his?" I hesitate to ask this, but, again, I was curious. And she needed to talk about it.

"Yes...

"Are you going to tell him?" She looked at me as if I was crazy.

"What? No, Hannah. You can't tell him."

"Why not? If it's his then-"

"No! He's a teenage guy, and besides, he already dumped me. Do you honestly believe that he will accept this?"

"I don't know, maybe." It was hard to believe, but it was her we were talking about. Her ex loved her very much, even I could see that. I still don't know why he broke up with her. He absolutely broke her heart. And I disliked him even more after that, if that was even possible.

"Hannah, you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone. Especially him." I argued with her, saying that it wasn't for the best that she keep it from him, asking her what she was going to do when the bump was noticeable.

"I'll figure it out but please. Promise me. If you've ever been my friend, you won't tell him." And, reluctantly, I agreed.

I am still keeping my word. I have never told a soul. Not until now at least. And even now, I still didn't give you a single name.

As for the girl... I'm sorry. I know that I promised. I also know that it must be disheartening to hear about yourself on a series of tapes giving reasons on why a dead girl is dead... But I assure you, this was not a reason. I thought about this over and over, turning it over in my head. I hope this will give you the courage to tell him, if he doesn't know already. You were, and always will be my friend. Don't forget that.

Now... Onto the true twelfth reason..."

************************

Clay sat, silent. He didn't understand. Someone pregnant? At their school? He hadn't heard anything about it. From anyone. He instantly tried putting the pieces together. How did Hannah and these tapes relate to this girl?

Clay stayed up all night, brain on overdrive, making it hard to sleep. For some reason, he just couldn't let what he had heard go. And it gave him a powerful headache to just keep thinking about it. But, he didn't stop. He wasn't going to stop trying to figure it out until he did.

It was so frustrating. It felt as though if he could just rattle one little piece of memory from his brain, he could figure the whole puzzle out. Everything would click. And, eventually, it did. Right when his alarm clock rang through the early morning air.

~(Y/N)'S POV~

"(Y/N)..." You roll your eyes, slamming your locker door shut.

"Please, Clay. Enough. Just leave me alone, okay?" You turn to walk away.

"I know. I know about you, (Y/N)." His words make you stop in your tracks.

"I didn't understand at first. But, slowly, the pieces began coming together." You turn to face him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw you with her the night of Jessica's party. You were hugging her, your shoulders shaking as she comforted you. I didn't remember any of this until earlier this morning. After I stayed up all night, trying to figure out just who she talked about right before tape 12." Your mouth dries up and your heart starts to beat faster and faster.

"Sorry... I have no idea what you're talking about." He walks closer to you, making you back right into the lockers. The school hallways were empty, with the exception to you and Clay. If anyone was in the school, they'd be in the gym, preparing for the basketball game. No one was around to save you.

"Don't play coy with me, (Y/N). I know. Okay? It took me a while to figure out what she meant by 'despite everything that happened between us' or 'you were, and always will be my friend.' It took me awhile to realize that the girl she was talking about was on the tapes...was you. But everything clicked."

"Clay-"

"You're pregnant, aren't you?" Your eyes widen.

"Keep your voice down!" You say, before you have a chance to stop.

"I knew it. Does Alex know?"

"No, and you can't tell him."

"Why shouldn't I? I mean given what Alex did to her... He ruined her life. You both did. Your life is already ruined by the baby, so why not ruin his too?" As he was saying all of this, your hands ball into fists. You clenched them so hard, you could feel the blood trickled from your palm.

"You shut your mouth, Jenson! You think I planned for all of this to happen? Do you think I planned to fall in love with Alex Standall, a boy who created a list that potentially drove my best friend, Hannah Baker to kill herself? Do you think that I planned on betraying her by doing so? Do you think I planned on becoming a single mother? You think that I planned to be a mother at all right now? The answer is no! But it all just happened. I didn't mean for it to, but fate's funny like that." Tears we're pouring down your face, your face had gone red, your hands still balled into fists.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry that all of this happened, and I know you lost the love of your life. But, guess what? I lost mine, too! Both of them! So, who are you to continuously badger me for questions? Who are you to stand here, and rub it in my face? I get it! Do you want me to say it out loud? FINE! I killed Hannah Baker. Did you hear that, or do I have to say it louder?" He was speechless, so you yelled to the top of your lungs, voice breaking due to your tears. "I KILLED HANNAH BAKER! ALL WHILE CARRYING ALEX STANDALL'S BABY!" Your voice boomed through the hallways. You failed to hear the footsteps that echoed down the hallway, coming closer and closer.

"Are you happy now, Clay? ARE YOU FREAKING SATISFIED!?" You dropped to your knees, unable to hold yourself up as you shook uncontrollably, hard, loud sobs racking your body. Before Clay could say a word, he looked over to his right. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw two figures running over to the both of you. Shaking your head, you lowered your head into your bloody hands.

"What the hell, Jenson!" That was Justin's voice. While him and Clay were arguing, you felt hands gently wrap underneath your legs and around your back. You were being lifted into the air.

"Zach?" You cry, blinking your red, puffy, teary eyes at him. He smiles sadly down at you while he takes you away from Justin and Clay.

"Yeah, I'm here. Don't worry, I've got you." You wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him as you sob into his shoulder. Normally, you wouldn't be this broken up, but you had enhanced hormones and with the conversation you just had, well you deserved a good cry. And Zach let you. He always let you come to him and cry on his shoulder, and now was no exception.

Zach had took you to the bathroom, letting you get cleaned up. Your eyes were still puffy and your face was still kind of red.

"I'm sorry." You mumble, walking slowly with him back to the gym.

"Don't apologize. Jenson is the one who should apologize. He had no right in cornering you like that."

"Maybe he did. I mean, everything he said was true. Everything I said was true. I really did kill Hannah Baker. And now he and Justin know that I'm pregnant. What if he tells him? What if he tells Alex? What am I going to do then? God, I'm such an idiot."

"Stop it, you aren't an idiot. You lost your best friend and you're carrying a child, and you're only 17. You're still a kid. No kid should have to go through this. And about Justin... He wouldn't tell Alex, I know that for a fact. He may seem like he's an ass but he's... He's a good guy."

"But, what about Clay? He threatened that he would."

"He's been threatening everyone. He hasn't done anything yet." You sigh, looking down at your stomach.

"Zach, what am I going to do? I'm nearing three months and I'm beginning to show more and more." Zach looks at you with sad eyes, his facial expression giving away what he's thinking. You shake your head.

"(Y/N)..."

"No, don't say it."

"I think it's time to tell him." Tears prick your eyes for what felt like the millionth time.

"No, you don't understand. I can't."

"But why not? What are you afraid of?" You're quiet, staring down at your toes.

"If I tell him... It will make it too real," you whisper.

"What do you mean?"

"If I tell him, it'll mean that this is all real. That it's really happening." He puts a comforting hand on your shoulder, smiling sadly.

"(Y/N), it's already real. It's happening. And there isn't anything you can do to stop it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your leg was bouncing up and down nervously as you waited for him to show, heart beating a million miles a minute. You were chewing on your nails as you delicately traced little circles on your stomach.

"(Y/N)?" His melodic voice flowed through you as glanced up at him, standing up quickly.

"H-Hey. Can we talk?" He scoffed and crossed his arms.

"Oh, so now you wanna talk?" You didn't miss the hint of venom laced in his words.

"Alex, please," you pleaded. "This is important." Sensing the serious tension, he dropped his arms and walked a little closer to you.

"What is it?" You sit on the bench once more, patting the spot next to you.

"Here, sit down." He complies, furrowing his eyebrows at you. You turn slightly so that you are facing him.

"I-I don't really know how to say this, and I don't know how you're gonna take it... Oh, who am I kidding, I know exactly how you're gonna take it." You rambled, stopping only when he placed a comforting hand on your leg. You glanced down at his hand, slightly balling your fists.

"Hey, calm down, okay? Whatever it is, you can tell me." Staying silent, he shifts a bit, taking his hand off of your leg.

"Are you afraid that I'm gonna get mad?" You nod shyly, tears starting to form. He almost immediately pulls you in for a hug, noticing your tears. He rubs your back soothingly as you sob lightly into his shoulder.

"It's gonna be okay, (N/N). Whatever it is, I promise not to get mad."

"Don't make a promise that you won't be able to keep."

"Listen to me. I promise you that I won't get angry. Please, just tell me." You take in a deep breath. 'Here goes...'

"I-I'm pregnant..." You whisper into his ear quietly. He tenses up, pulling back slowly. You are unable to meet his eyes as he stops only when he can fully see your face. He scans it, almost as if to see if you were lying to him.

"What did you say?" He stuttered. You slam your eyes shut tightly.

"Y-You're..." You simply nod.

"And it's mine?" You look at him with wide eyes.

"Of course it is!" You snap, angry that he would even insinuate...

"Holy shit." You pull away from his grasp, putting your face in your hands.

"I'm so sorry." You cry. You felt his arms wrap around you once more.

"This is isn't your fault. Hey, listen to me," he gently pulls your hands away from your face and pulls it so you could look at him. You finally meet his teary, ocean blue eyes.

"This isn't your fault. Do you understand me?"

"But-" he shakes his head, closing his eyes.

"No. I won't let you just blame yourself. Okay? It was both of us."

"Are you angry?" He sighs, opening his eyes once more to look into yours.

"No, of course not. I promised you that I wasn't going to be. But, is this why you've been acting so weird?" You nod.

"That and I didn't think that you wanted anything to do with me."

"What in hell made you think that?"

"You did. You said it the night that you broke up with me. That among other things..." You hear him sigh.

"(Y/N), I am so sorry." You sniff, shaking your head, pulling away from him once again.

"It's not your fault. You didn't love me anymore, that's all. And I respect that, I just... I don't know."

"Don't you dare say that, of course I still love you."

"Not the way a couple should love each other. Not in the way that I want you to..." Once more, he hooked a finger underneath your chin, bringing it towards him, you being forced to look in to his eyes.

"Yes, I do. I love you, so much. So so much."

"Wha...? No, stop. Don't lie to me. I don't like liars."

"I'm not lying to you, (N/N). I really do still love you. I regretted breaking things off the minute that I did it." You take in what he says, furrowing your brows in hurt and anger.

"Then why the hell did you do it? You broke my heart, Alex! I had no idea why you did it or what I did to make you do that. All you did was shout at me, call me names. And now you expect me to just sit here and listen to you break it even more?" You angrily wipe your tears away, turning your face away from him.

"No, no, no, (Y/N). It wasn't like that."

"Okay, then tell me what it was like, tell me what I did because I sure as hell don't know."

"You didn't do a damn thing! It was me, I was the problem in the relationship. I spent to much time with the guys and not enough time with you. I hardly took you out, I... I just wasn't good enough for you." He finishes quietly, staring at the pavement on front of him. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see a tear drop from his eye. He hardly ever cries, so you knew he was being sincere.

"Did I make you think that? That you weren't good enough for me?" He turned toward you, grasping out for your hand. You didn't pull away because, in all honesty... you missed the contact.

"No, baby, no. Don't even think that."

"Then, why...?" he sighed.

"The guys made me believe it. They convinced me that you were better than me, that I wasn't the right guy for you, that once someone better came along... And the way that they'd talk about you, it was vulgar. I couldn't stand to listen to it anymore. I was angry... at them for saying all of that, at myself for believing all of it, and you for putting up with it. I took it out on you, and I'm so sorry."

"See? This is why I never talk to your friends. They are always wrong and stupid. Especially for saying all of that to you. But, you're stupid too, you know." He knew it was true, so he didn't argue.

"You're stupid for believing all of them. I could never think that about you, Alex. Look at me," he hesitantly met your eyes.

"I love you, Alex, and only you. I'm so freaking in love with you, I can't look at anybody else, even if I wanted to. You are my life, my world. That will never, ever change. You can break up with me a million times, call me every name in the book, curse my name, whatever. Deep down, I will never stop loving you. You're the love of my life, Alex. I only wish that you'd believe that...." Without hesitation, without even thinking, he crushed his lips to yours. Lips moving desperately against each other, missing the feel of the other against them.

"I love you, (Y/N). I never stopped, and I never will. I'll never let you go again. Please, give me a second chance. Please..." he whispered against your lips.

"Are you sure that this is what you want? Do you want to be in my, and the baby's, life? Truly?"

"Yes, I really, really do. Only if you'll have me."

"Okay. Okay, all is forgiven." He grinned widely, pulling you up from where you both was sitting.

"Thank you. For everything." He pulled you into a tight, but gentle, hug, rubbing your back soothingly. From a distance, you could see Zach waving at you with both hands, giving a wink and two thumbs up. He had followed you, kept an eye on you in case Alex lashed out. He was definitely your best friend. You close your eyes and rest your head into the crook of Alex's neck, inhaling his scent once again.

'Hannah, I'm so sorry. I miss you, so much. And I'm sorry for what I did to you... but it's true. You can't help who you love, and I'm not ashamed of it. He is so remorseful about what he did to you. Making that stupid list was the worst thing that he ever did, I know this for sure.

We are going to start a beautiful family, and I only hope that you can find it in your heart up there to forgive me, to forgive us. I love you, Hannah.'

Forever Tags:

@trustnobodyshootfirst, @missmalfoy1703, @16wiishes

Masterlist

[lindwur-fr]

Abyssal Beings, Chapter Two

Chapter One <- Chapter Two -> Chapter Three

The Abyssal Being gains its name, and a plan for its healing is formed.

@murdoch-fr

Wanna be updated on when Vagrilux has an ongoing plot? Just ask to tag~

The small Abyssal Being stirred lightly, its brain still swimming and groggy. It lifted its head slightly, its eyes meeting another Abyssal Being’s. This one was big- deep purple Shadow eyes, a long and ropy form... This Abyssal Being was not like itself. This one had chosen to assimilate- to live as a dragon fully.

The small Fae-like being braced itself against the larger being’s stomach (Of which it found itself laying on) and shakily got to its feet. The larger being offered a wing for support.

“Careful.” The larger Abyssal Being warned. “You can’t show pain, but don’t think for a second I don’t know you’re hurt.”

The smaller Abyssal Being stared at the larger one for a long moment before sliding off of its stomach and onto the ground. It had expected to land on all fours, but instead, its small weight crashed into the ground, its skull-like face clacking against the library floor and sending shocks of pain down its neck and back. The larger Abyssal Being must have known this, as it quickly picked up the smaller one.

“Azathoth...” A Spiral dragon- a female- spoke up. “Is it going to be okay?”

“It will be.” The Abyssal Being known as Azathoth replied. “It’s just... Out of sorts. It’s new, and these sorts of Abyssal Beings don’t show much emotion. Not until their purpose is fulfilled, that is.”

The small Abyssal Being’s ears tilted a bit at hearing this. It was so hurt, it forgot about its purpose. Why it was born. Remembering why it was created felt like a dream- but it knew it had to contain that Radiant Being far below them. It squirmed a bit in Azathoth’s grip, only to have the Spiral-like being tighten his grip slightly around its small form.

“No. You’re not going down there in this condition.” Azathoth’s voice was firm. “You’re fragile like this. Your power is weak. Your body is damaged. You need to recover.”

The small Abyssal Being slowly stilled in his claws. The larger Being was wiser than itself. That was the thing about these assimilated Abyssal Beings... They were complex. Thinkers, scholars, smart as whips from the get-go. Abyssal Beings like itself? No- they had to develop and learn and grow. This allowed them to be tempered and trained to fufill their purpose of destroying Radiant Beings. It was seen by some as cruel, to create Abyssal Beings with the capacity for emotion, but to instead temper them into weapons. But the small Abyssal Being didn’t care- it knew why it was here. But it couldn’t take on the Radiant Being yet.

“So, what do we call you...” Azathoth wondered out loud. “Small, blackish Fae. White face... Hm.” He tilted his head slightly.

“Ghost?” The Spiral female suggested. “The presence it gives off feels... Haunting.”

“Ghost.” Azathoth chuckled a bit. “Alright. Ghost it is. Hear that, Being? From now on you will be addressed as Ghost. Understand?”

The Newly-Appointed Ghost glanced between Iantha and Azathoth as they spoke, but nodded mutely in response. It didn’t know anything about what Iantha meant when it said its presence was “haunting”, but it mattered little to it anyway. It was called Ghost, and it was an Abyssal Being.

“Alright.” Azathoth seemed pleased in the response. “So... Ghost. You were beat around on your way up, hm?” He glanced pointedly to the large gashes on Ghost’s sides. “Is there something down there? A Radiant Being?”

Ghost nodded silently once again, not reacting to the slow crawling look of horror in Azathoth’s eyes. Perhaps if its higher functions were intact, it would worry about the larger Abyssal Being looking so deeply uneased by the news of a Radiant Being existing deep below their feet. Iantha turned her bright ruby eyes to the door as two more dragons entered the large library. Ghost knew their forms- a Tundra and a Skydancer. Both walked with some air of authority about them, but carried a gentle demeanor at the same time. Benevolence, perhaps.

“Rubrik, Curtis.” Azathoth bowed his head deeply to both dragons as he regarded them. “I apologize for not being able to come to you- this Abyssal Being isn’t ready to enter the light of day. Not when its so damaged.”

Curtis- the Tundra- leaned down and sniffed Ghost lightly. Ghost retracted its head a bit at the warm breath emanating from the Tundra’s nose. “Nothing... It smells of nothing.” Curtis spoke slowly, as if confused. “It doesn’t even hold the musty smell of the library air.”

The Skydancer known as Rubrik stepped forward now. “I’ve consulted the Seeing-Pool about creatures like your own make, Azathoth.” He said gently. “I had no idea... Old Vagrilux did such things. I understand why you would want to keep your origins close to your chest.”

Rubrik’s words were spoken with no conviction, just gentle understanding. But Azathoth looked hurt nonetheless. Ghost felt the tendrils deep inside Azathoth’s draconic form squirm and writhe anxiously. “I’m sorry.” Azathoth said softly. “Had I known Radiant Beings were still a threat, I would have told you sooner-”

“It’s okay, Azathoth. It truly is.” Rubrik put a paw on Azathoth’s arm to reassure him. “What matters now is that we know what to do. And it starts with this small Abyssal Being here.”

Oddly, when Rubrik turned his deep blue eyes to Ghost, it felt something worm deep inside its chest. Like the sea-blue eyes of the old Skydancer had awakened something slumbering inside of it. Ghost felt the tendrils that were concealed by its Faelike body squirm uncomfortably, making it kneel slightly. A bow to the leader of Vagrilux.

“It knows the eyes of Vagrilux’s leader.” Azathoth’s voice was laced with amusement. “All Abyssal Beings know its Leader’s eyes. Curtis, give it a glance. It will bow to you, as well.”

Curtis hesitated, not knowing how to feel about a small Abyssal Being bending to his glance.

“Go on, Curtis. It must know who its leaders are- who it can trust.” Rubrik reassured Curtis with a gentle wing nudge.

Curtis hesitated once more- but kneeled down and studied the Abyssal being. Once again, Ghost felt the strange writhing sensation in its belly and chest and bowed. Despite the uncomfortable feeling, Ghost felt oddly connected to these two dragons. The wise deep blue eyes of the Skydancer, and the strong and reassuring golden eyes of the Tundra. Truly, these beings stood above itself. Leaders, benevolent rulers... Something Ghost could only wish to achieve.

“We will never ask you to bow.” Curtis said softly. Ghost raised its head from its bow slightly, studying the brilliant golden eyes of the Tundra. “You don’t need to fear us, I promise.”

Ghost jumped slightly when he felt a gentle claw help it up. It stared up at Rubrik, who supported it with his front paw. Ghost oriented itself, scrambling to get its feet underneath it as it resisted the urge to press itself down in another bow.

“What do we do about you, now...” Curtis’ voice was casual once again as he leaned back, sitting up on his hind legs and crossing his front arms. “Where your place is in Vagrilux while you recover...”

Rubrik sat back as well, folding his wings neatly. “Azathoth, where did the Abyssal Beings live...?”

“Nowhere.” Azathoth replied simply. “They were created, and sent to destroy and contain Radiant Beings. None had a second of downtime nor a place to live.”

Curtis frowned slightly. “We need somewhere for it while it recovers.” He said firmly. His eyes lit up suddenly as an idea dawned on him. He looked to Rubrik with a smile. “Rubrik, the Blooming Grove territory we expanded into recently?”

Rubrik nodded, looking thoughtful. “Yes... The Grove is massive, but the small garden section we own should house a dragon of this nature safely. Hidden, able to heal...”

Ghost tilted its head to the side as it watched the two Leaders converse.

“Yes, I believe that will work just fine.” Rubrik nodded, looking satisfied. “Our population headed out there are healers and mages. They will be able to look after our small friend here without any trouble at all.”

Curtis smiled. “And they depart at dusk. So our friend here will be able to travel without worrying about the ambient magic of the Light Territory. It does seem to diminish in this area at night, after all.”

Rubrik nodded again. “It’s decided, then.” The leader sounded confident when he spoke. “Well, small friend, you will depart tonight. To a place called The Blooming Grove. And when you’re back, you can start training. To my understanding, that is why you came to us.”

Ghost nodded once again, finding itself agreeing with everything asked of it today. Perhaps that was a trait of its overall nature?

Curtis smiled now, standing on all fours again. “Then Rubrik and I will take our leave, friends.” He cast his gaze around the three dragons he now addressed. “Azathoth, I believe you have nominated yourself for looking after this one until the caravan departs to The Blooming Grove?”

Azathoth nodded. “Indeed. And I will accompany it to the Grove as well.”

“Very well.” Curtis and Rubrik spoke in unison.

“May the Light guide your wings.” Curtis gave a curt nod to Ghost.

“And the tides favor your winds.” Rubrik added.

Both leaders left the library after that, leaving Ghost with a very faint sense of awe.

[vigilantspear]

Undoing vi

I’m not putting any pictures for this one, as I’ve put pictures of all dragons involved in the last chapter. I will put pictures when the POV changes, though!

@rutile-fr

Reina, Gaius, Brynhildr, Prabal, and Faendal gathered in a private room, the three leaders wary and curious about why Reina had insisted on speaking to them privately. Prabal held Brynhildr's hand under the table, rubbing circles in her hand as she silently panicked. Faendal looked at his fellow Progenitor, and then at Prabal, worried about the both of them.

Reina and Gaius sat down, and Reina took a deep breath before she spoke. “Gaius and I went hunting on a different island than usual today. Everything went okay, Gaius set up traps the day before without much trouble, so I went out hunting, and I bagged a deer by the creek when Gaius caught up to me. And we talked for a while until I heard something come crashing through the bamboo behind us, and it was really big. I didn't see it, but it had to be big to make that much noise from so far away. And it kept getting closer, and I just grabbed Gaius and the deer and flew faster than I'd ever flown in my life-” here she paused to catch her breath and shove back the panic threatening to spill over, “We had to stop before we got back, I was tired, so I fell asleep. Storm moved in, and we found that Fae while we walked back in the rain.”

Brynhildr tilted her head. “You didn't see it?” she queried.

“No, I didn't stick around for long enough to see it get out of the bamboo.” Reina said.

“It roared after us.” Gaius murmured. Their eyes were locked onto one of the floor tiles. “It roared and it was one of the worst sounds I've ever heard, Brynhildr.”

The three leaders on the other side of the room exchanged worried and frightened looks. Finally, Faendal spoke up. “Don't go back to that island. Not even if you think you're brave enough to see what it is, you'll get hurt and we won't be able to help you.”

“Yeah,” Gaius said, and Reina nodded.

Brynhildr looked as though she didn't want to say what came out of her mouth, but she said, “You two can still hunt, but you hunt on the other side of the territory. Prabal….”

Prabal looked at his daughter and asked, “Will you let me come with you?”

Gaius and Reina glanced at each other with raised eyebrows. Finally Gaius shrugged and Reina looked back to Prabal. “Yeah, you can.”

Brynhildr visibly relaxed.

“You two go rest. Get something to eat, play a game, I don't care, just don't go out again today, kids.” Brynhildr said, sounding so tired and fearful that Gaius and Reina could only agree.

Reina rushed over and hugged her mother, then her father, then Faendal before walking out of the room. Gaius seemed like they didn't know what to do until Brynhildr laid a hand on their shoulder and jerked her chin toward the door with a smile. “Thank you, Gaius. For being there for her.”

Gaius seemed startled at her friendliness, but recovered quickly. “Anytime, Brynhildr. Just glad she's alright,” they said, and turned to leave after waving at Prabal and Faendal.

Prabal broke the silence that followed Gaius’ absence, “What are we going to do?”

Brynhildr thought for a second before responding, “We find out which direction they went in and ward that border of our territory before those islands.”

“Why not just bubble off those islands?” Faendal suggested.

“Even better. Keep anyone from going there. I would much rather know nothing than have whatever is there come here uninvited. When will you do it and who will you need?”

“Probably just us, maybe us and Djanne. Though we could also use Kapteyn for a strong Arcane shield.”

“Get Kapteyn to help. A mono-element ward will be stronger.”

“We could do it in a few days. Once we find out where they went hunting, we just have to figure out which wards to use and prepare.”

“Get to it, Faendal.”

“Got it,” said Faendal, and he set off to find Valencia.

Prabal waited until he was gone before turning to Brynhildr and saying, “I need to talk to Reina tonight. And I need you to get us a Light mage. Someone powerful who can banish Shade and seal other...things.”

“We have Decimus, dear.”

Prabal met her eyes, and Brynhildr saw a deep and ancient fear surfacing in her husband's deep green eyes. Her eyes widened in realization as Prabal said, “We need someone who isn't an Imperial.”

Brynhildr now felt his fear deep in her own heart. “You don't think-”

“I don't know, dear. But we should be more safe than sorry. I just. I just have a terrible feeling.”

Brynhildr leaned heavily into him and he leaned hard on her. He heard her say, so softly, so quietly: “I hope you're wrong, Prabal. I love you, but I pray you're wrong.”

Prabal held her tight and looked without seeing across the room. “Me too, Bryn. Me too.”

*****

Later that day, Lenore knocked on he door of Brynhildr's study. Brynhildr allowed her in, she was with Faendal researching strong wards. Lenore smiled. “Lady Brynhildr, our patient is awake.”